is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
