How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
