is your mom at the bar?
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
