Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
