just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
