I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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