Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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