hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
