I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
