she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
