Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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