just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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