fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
