And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
