Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
