I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
