Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
