Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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