If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
