I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's not a walk of shame if you run
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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