I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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