Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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