i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
