My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
