I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
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Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
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Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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