Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
