She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
