We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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