It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
