was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
