im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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