$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She announced her abortion via fbk
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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