She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
