Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
