I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
