He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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