I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
