You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just had sex on a roof
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
