omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Also, beer. Big fan.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
