Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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