I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
