i just wanna soil my oats bro
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
