I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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