OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
