You smell like stripper and shame
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
