I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
