oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
