oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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