why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
