Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you had me at cake vodka
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
