it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
