I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just had sex on a roof
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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