omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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