P.S. I can't hear my feet
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
