What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
