my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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