M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
