Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
