Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
