Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
