A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize