Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
