my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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