If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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