the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
