You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
